Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Not good enough?

Yup, that's what explain me to someone in my house. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! No matter what I do, say or act ...is not good enough for her.

Sigh..why oh why...I tried...for years now...it doesn't work. My patience ran out... I guess..We will never get along..

After I started school, I thought things are getting better. We talked..but now I am on my break... that someone back to old self. Treating me like I am nobody. Tension is always around between us.
I am to blame when something happen to Ryan...like I am not a good mother. Doesn't know how to feed Ryan good. That someone will utter out words that hurt me so much. Sarcasm is so strong in the air that u could smell it with your stuffy nose.
I dislike when that someone compare me with what that someone can do... I am not that someone.. I have my ways.. I know what my son need...

Kids get sick ...esp when they are in day care. U can't avoid that!!

I just cannot believe that that someone can utter words that is not true about me. Making lies and remarks that is not true.
Her look is filled with hatred!
She never listen properly what I have to say. She twisted my words!

Never good enough! I was refer to as his mother...Ryan's mother! that lady!

This is ridiculous... I know i shouldn't be sad or upset. But I am a type of person who wants a happy family!
I do no wish any of this crap in my family.
When can i have my freedom....free from all this garbage!

...I am just too upset...it has been crazy lately that i need to express out my feelings.
I tried to fix this...she just won't allow... she just won't accept me.
Face it!
She just hate me very much! PERIOD!


mama bok said...

Ahhh.. Gene..! donch be upset ya.. not worth it. In your situation.. you have to play pretend lah.. else will go bonkers. Nevermind.. when she say something to hurt you .. you bless her.. and you will feel alot better. You take care ya..!

NomadicMom said...

Does she live full-time with you? Or she is just there for a holiday?
Is she very old-fashioned type?
Is she the kind that is open to a "frank" heart-to-heart talk?

Just wondering if you can just tell her frankly that both of you should at least learn to get along cordially for both her son and grandson's sake? (I'm guessing this is the MIL?)

Gene Lim said...

Hey mamabok, yea..sometimes i just couldn't take it anymore..u know..just being so frustrated being the ms nice all the time...and getting pick by her daily. NO fun at all! Thanks for the support! :)

Nomadicmom: Hi Nomadicmom, yea ..u guess it rite..my MIL..very old fashion, old school typical chinese MIL.
and Yes..my PIL stay with us PERMANENT.
Long story.... she don't like me at all..even from the beginning she met me..
I tried being frank part..never work for the old school MIL... she is like "my way or high way" kind of person.

mrs b said...

sorry to hear that. just so important that you do not get all worked up over it. Because stress can make you sick.... I did. Its not worth it but smtm dont know how to get around it. And ultimately, God vindicates, dont know sadly or happily cause you have to wait for it.

keona said...

One thing you have to accept , THEY will never change or you will go bonkers.
I have that same problem and SHE's my mother!!! Nothing we do is good enough and I'm a bad mother. I'm referedd to as "HER" and my sis as her daughter. Growing up we ate different foods. Yet we ( my hubby and I) are the only ones providing for her. After 20 odd years in Canada, she's now trying to be kinder and realise how good I have been to her( but the harshness still comes back every now and then) I've now learned to take what she says with a pinch of salt. I am now suffering from High blood pressure, heart problems, fibro,diabetes, high cholestrol and high risk of stroke ( I'm not that old either) I'm only telling you this as I can see you falling into the same pit as me. I havent commented in the past few years but I have been reading your blog and do see whats happening. I live about an hour's drive from you.

Gene Lim said...

Mrs B: Hi Mrs B, Thanks for the support..i guess i have to be patient and pray for Miracle :)

Keona: Hi Keona, I am so sorry to hear about you and your mother. Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate your support and advice. I really hope things are better for you and your family.
Hey an hour drive? that's not far..
Where do you live?