Thursday, July 31, 2008

Mild depression

Hey all... yuppers..it's been awhile i updated my blog. I was not busy with work or family or school...but mild depression.

Yea..long story short:-

I quited my job right after 2 weeks i have started. I don't know what i got myself into, depression i guess.
What I was depressed about? Boy, I am still looking for the right answer.

Long story become long story:-

Right before my break starts, I was so eager to look for summer job to help out the family a bit. I even got greedier, I signed up myself summer course at the same time.
Well, got this job with this company A, working as personal support worker, interview was held during May...then got the offer sometime in Victoria day. Did the orientation June 12th.
Started training on June 20th i believed..can't remember..anyway, the company was very unorganized company. I was not given anything ..like employee number( need that to get paid), user name and password to log in to check my client schedules..nothing.
They keep calling me saying that i miss my client ...which I was not aware that I have clients that day (can't check without password and username).
I was so stressed up!
It was my first, and it didn't go well. I was promised with clients living around my neighbourhood or within bus routes.
But they gave me somewhere without bus routes and some i have to transfer 3 busses.
I just can't work like this. I need to know my schedule ahead and plan my day. I have Ryan to take care in the morning..then send him to day care in the afternoon..then go to work..
But it didn't work well.

I was upset because this company wasted my time, i could have look for other jobs. Right now i can't because Summer is almost over.
Instead of earning extra income ...we ended up spending more..coz I have to keep Ryan's day care spot for September.
Right now, mon-fri we send Ryan to day care for $19 bucks/day.

I felt such a loser... and on top of everything..I failed my high-way test...meaning more money to spend.

Sigh, this year is not my year. I was so sad .upset...that i didn't even feel good to do anything.
I was home all day for the past month.

But the only good thing is Ryan is healthy and happy :)
I have re-booked my driving test...Aug 14th...really hope i pass this time.
Too much in my head...i cannot focus rite now..

My weakness, i want everything perfect...if i stumble some mistake...i got weak and lost.
boy..this is bad...when can i accept that nothing is perfect..

Guess what..I just turn 30...heheheh... no more twenties zone...
Yup! getting old...
I felt like i have not accomplish anything in my life yet...other than having myself a family.

4 comments:

Shelly said...

Thanks for sharing this. I understand how difficult it is to explain something you don't understand yourself. My advice is to take it day by day, and try not to be too hard on yourself. Hang in there!

Gene Lim said...

Hi Shelly,

Thanks for dropping by... and also your advice too. I will try..just need to be thankful everyday is a beautiful day! :)

mama bok said...

Hey..Gene,
Of course you've accomplished alot..!! Ryan is healthy and happy... isn't that the most important..?? the rest.. it will come today.. take it easy.. and donch forget.. you are feeling this way.. only because you are so far away from home. Hang in there.. think positive.. and take deep breathes.. :) We are thinking of you always.

Gene Lim said...

Hi Mamabok,
I am so glad everything going well with u. Yes u r right...Ryan is healthy and happy..that's the most important thing..

Thanks for the support dear... :)