Tuesday, March 20, 2007

What to do....?

I am very upset and do not know what to do now... .. Ryan is already 3 years 2 months old... still not completely potty trained. He is going to school next year eh..
I know it takes time...
That's not what i am upset about..
What i am upset about is... the way PIL giving him the negative way of teaching.. :(
Instead of positive encouragement, they will said.. u r useless ar..so big already ..still do not know how to pee or poop .... we don't love u anymore if u do not know to peep or ppoop..

I biting my tongue whenever they said that to Ryan. I knew in my heart..Ryan will eventually know how to go to toilet and do it. I am really upset the way how their traditional way of giving fear to children. I totally not agree with that..

The worst part is...MIL will be taking care of Ryan soon...i do not wish Ryan to grow up in such teaching.. :(

so what to do? tell her off? ha! Imposible to do that.... she is one sensitive, superior woman....always thought her ways are always the rite way...n for me to tell her what to do?
is like volcano erupting eh...so how? headache now for me...emotional drained for me now..i am still working on my high school diploma...it really tears me apart when i am studying and mil wathching him...sotimes i felt like just stop studying and go back to my full time mom job...can i?? i am torn apart! I already spend less time with Ryan while i am studying only the high school diploma subjects..what abt when i start full time college ??
Sighhhhhhhhhhhh... how? tell me how?

I am praying hard...very hard...that GOD will watch over RYan for me when i am not with him.
Oh GOD...Please..watch over RYan for me..touch his heart...touch my in-laws...please control the things that they said...
Sealed my family with love patience and harmony.. no negative words!
Let them speak with only LOVE..YOUR WORDS..oh LORD..THANK YOU...


Mama BoK said...

Having chinese in-laws.. can be real troublesome. I think they donch mean to say mean things to Ryan.. moreso.. that was the way they brought up your hubby.. and how they themselves were brought up.
Do not be angry with them.. and stay focus on your studying. Your hubby turned out alright right..?? so no worries about it. I know i wouldn't like it either.. if my in-laws were to say these to Chloe.. but chinese in-laws are WAYYYYYYYYYY different from "ang moh" in laws. "Ang moh" in laws are alot easier going.. and easier to tell and they will understand and respect how you wanna bring up your kids. The only way to help with Ryan is YOU reinforcing your way of teaching.. with Ryan.. especially when they are around.. without saying anything about how they are teaching Ryan. Just constantly and steadily teach Ryan the way you wanna teach him.. when they are around .. or not around.. and donch be afraid.. to tell and teach Ryan in front of them.. but do not tell your in-laws off. Because once you do that.. there will be no turning back. You do what you think is "RIGHT" without contradicting the old folks. And hopefully they will pick up your good teaching habits.
Do not get upset.. because that is NOT the way to go.. you need to be in good terms with your in-laws.. because of your hubby.. and Ryan.. and moreso.. because they will be looking after Ryan .. while you pursue your studies. Just do not forget that they are Ryan's grandparents.. and they will not do harm to him intentionally. I know "our" way of thinking is different from the older generation.. but on the other hand.. we have to think like they do.. and stand in their position.
I know it is hard.. Gene.. but for harmony sake.. i suggest.. you "sabah" lah.. :)
You can do it.. Gene..!!! coz' you are a wonderful person..!! a wonderful mother ..!!! and a wonderful daughter-in-law..!!!
Chin up..! and cheer up..!!

G said...

Gene, I totally understand what u mean, saying negative things to a child like that can harm his self esteem!!!!!!!! BUT all those can be reversed as you constantly feed him positive words, thoughts and gestures - this will all erase the negativity away. You will be there to reassure him everything's alright - he will believe u bcoz u're his mommy :) I agree with everything MB said, u need ur in-laws help, can't afford to get them all worked up. Just pray and hopefully they will learn and change their ways. Again, it is easier for me to say as i dont live with in-laws. Will keep u in my prayers Gene!!

Gene Lim said...

Mamabok: Jan, thanks for the support.. Yea u r rite..chinese in-laws are very beh tahan one..too many rules...i know i needed them to help me to take care of Ryan when i go to college that time. U know what.. i used to have a dream..dreaming of marrying ang moh one..but irony it is..i married a china man! HA! what to do.. But no complain ..Kit is a very good husband..just that his parents have different background from mine.
Praying everyday..for endurance and sabar ..have to sabar...hopefully God can guide me to be a better and bigger person here. :) Thank you thank you ..time like this..really nneed friends like u guys :)
((((((((((JAN)))))))) MMMMMMUAKS :)

G: Thank you for ur prayers.. yea lor..that's why i prefer encouragement than negative words..that's what happened to KIt..soo closed up.. coz they are brought up like that.. Cannot voice their opinion..
I am different.. I voice everything.. ..maybe MIL cannot tahan my character..and she felt intimidate by me...whatever i do or say..she will compared me to her daughter..ha!
i just pray hard..GOD will touch her soul..as in opening up her eyes..that i do love her..not hate her..i respect her..but at times..i want things done my way ..
she just could't accept that.
I am glad i have friends like u guys..thanks..needed it very much!
love ya