Women
Hey hey.. its been awhile since i last posted. Oh well, i have been busy as always and Ryan is sick too. :(
Ryan started to get fever last Friday and he was okie on Sunday..butttt after visiting my in laws on Sunday, sighhhhhh..he got sick again. Rite now he is bit better and snoozing away.
Last nite i had this thought of the responsibilities of women...well, u see, when we were first born as female, our role is to be daughter to our parents. Girly like, cute and sweet to everyone. Then when we grow up to abt say maybe 13 to 18 years old, our responsibilities grow..from just being daughter to a good daughter as in have to help mommy to clean, tidy up the house , wash this and that and some have to cook as well. And as soon as we got married, we got new roles, a wife, daughter in-law and sister in law. Oh boyy, more responsibilities added up to the ones we already had. As a wife, u have to take care of ur hubby and home. As a daughter in-law, geeze..this one i couldn't say much.... coz i don't really have any chance to participate this role as in my in-laws never allow me to do it.
So, i really dunno what a daughter in law should do...if u asked me the role of previous time (my mother's time) of daughter in-law role ... i can give u that answer. Easy, just one word.. SLAVE.
Then, when u have children.. u got another new role added up. MOTHER role. Oh boyyyyy, this role is not easy eh. I am still learning and still sometimes wish somebody can be there for me to give me some advice to be a mother.
As a mother, u always put ur children and hubby first and urself last. Maybe that's why God made us the one who can give birth because we are more sensitive.
I am a little bit proud of myself as in I have taken care of Ryan by myself without anyone's help. oh well, not like lotsa women nowadays where they have mother in law or mother to take care of their child while they go to work.
I chose to take care of my own son than letting my mil do it because I feel it is my responsibilities to do it. I am the one who bring him into this world.. i should take care of him.
I forgo my career and dreams for my family. I may felt a little bit regret but i still feel is well worth it.
Least, Ryan is well taken care of. He knows that his mummy is there for him.
Ohh, i shouldn't take alll the credit though... Kit helped alot too. We did it. This is the western culture..not like in Malaysia where usually the MIL will take care or Indonesia maid will.
Hmmmm... i felt like this will affect the child's psychology as in the mother didn't get to bond with the child at all. Those kids speaks good Bahasa and communicates more to the maid than own mother.
I have a friend from China, who migrated to Hamilton 4 years ago. She gave birth to her first daughter when she first came here. She couldn't take care of her daughter due to she wants to continue studies and get a job, therefore she sent her daughter to China to let her mom to take care for 2 years.
Last year she gave birth to second daughter, so she decided to bring back her first daughter. I can see the f irst daughter is very quiet and always in isolation mood when u talk to her...even she didn't really focus on what her mother talks to her.
I felt soo sad for my friend and her daughter. It affected the child soo much.. the abundant and loneliness.
SO, is always worth it if u sacrifice for ur own child. Spend more time with them and shower them all the love u have. :)
5 comments:
right now i'm at a position where i am at the "right age" to be having children, but it's sooo much of a scary thought..but i would love to have children with david... :) i just hope i'll be a good mother and a good example.
Letti: well, umm there is umm rite or wrong age lor.. as long as u are healthy then good enough. :)
I know what u mean.. i am scared too..butttttttt.. when u r put at the situation..u will be okie. is what they call mother instinct.. :))
I am sure you will dear! U came from a lovely family background. :)
Gene,
Hello. It is quite a coincidence that I come across your blog and read your postings. It gives me a feeling that we are on the same boat except that I don't have a kid hehe. I met my hubby through the Internet too. We love each other a lot and still do but his parents are difficult to like sometimes. They can be very nice to us if we observe their "rules". Anyway they don't follow their own "rules" but they want to enforce the rules on us to make them stand out more as a great traditional family. But I hate those rules very much. The rules make them really cold and unapproachable. For example, we have to tell them exactly what they want to hear or do as what they want us to do. Well I normally can tolerate this kind of situation by being more cautious and sensitive. This way I can avoid confrontation. However, I still get into confrontation in the end. They started blaming me for breaking the family rules and hinted my husband to reprimand me for doing that. They warned me not to do anything to break apart their family circle. What was the issue that resulted this kind of treatment? Well my MIL showed off too much in her visit to Vietnam, our relatives over there thought that we had enough bread to go around to change their status. The truth is we just graduated and bought a house. No way that we can support another family until we can strengthen our base. However we are very ambitious. We manage to save hard some money to start a business. My MIL decided that she wanted us to send some of that money to Vietnam. Before then, my husband had told her that we were short of funds to start our business and had asked her if she could support our business financially. She said that she could not do that. We accepted that without any hard feelings but she turned around and insisted us sending money to Vietnam. To make the long story short, instead of understanding our situation, she and FIL started their irate barking at me based on their own weird reasons. Luckily our love is strong. By what my MIL and FIL had said and done, I would have packed my bags and gone back to Malaysia for good. I truly understand the principle that a son should always respect his parents for bringing him up. I never want to change that. However we cannot really show that respect if my MIL and FIL have no regards to our real feelings and only wanted us to be their puppets. We want freedom. Hence we can only look out for opportunities in the future to pay them back the respect that they deserve. As for now, we keep a distance from them since we cannot reach an understanding with one another. My feelings of course were hurt by this situation and I have no doubt theirs were too but I did not ask for it and for sure I have no reasons to start it. If they love us, they should let us live the way we are free to live. That's all I can say.
Sorry for the long comment hehe.
Dear Phan,
I totally understand how u felt.I am so soo soo sorry that u have to go through this. I just hope u can take it easy and be strong. Remember you love your hubby very much and the rest..u just dun have to care that much. Most important thing is ur hubby understand ur situation and is between u and ur hubby only. He must differenciate the priorities between you and his parents.
I understand the respect and "pay back" for what the old folks have done for ur hubby...well, this is just merely the very traditional old fashion thinking of the old folks. Don be upset, please find a place to forgive them. I am trying to forgive my in laws now..is hard to do...but u have to give a try..in order to move on.
They just couldn't accept the concept of letting go of their son and accept that their son has grown up and has a family of his own.
SOoo, cheer up gally! ALL THE BEST AND GOOD LUCK with your business.
by the way, where are u now?
Gene,
Well said. That's what I should try to do. I am in Portland, Oregon. Quite near to you, I think but not as close as we want hehe.
All the best to both of us.
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