Happy Happy Happy...

I am super Happy because...I am truly Blessed by my Father! He blessed me with great family and a great job.
I love my new job... something i truly like to do..and pays well at the same time.
No rocket science job but something decent to pay bills and get things rolling. :)

I no longer have to work weekends and shifts for my nursing role..but i am still doing a nursing job during week days schedules. Love it!

This weekend i am having a long weekend...just only for me..due to Remembrance day for Canada..and for all clinics..we are closed on Monday. So another bonus for me :)

Enjoying the weekend with my boys....went grocery shopping yesterday at Mississauga..and bought some of the Xmas pressies..
still got lots to buy on the list..
maybe next weekend..looking forward for Xmas!

too much fun?

I am sick today...sore throat, cough, stuffy nose, sneezing..hmm all symptom similar to flu..except for one..i got no fever.
I had a great time touring Elora, Fergus and St.Jacobs yesterday..and today i am sick!
Hmm...Ryan was sick last week for a week..maybe i caught some of his bug.

IS the flu season now.. govt is asking everyone to get flu shot and H1N1 flu shot as well.
yup..i am waiting for the H1N1 flu shot to arrive in my doc's office. This week they only let the higher risk person- elderly aged 65 and above, children 5 years of age and under, and 20 weeks pregnant women.

SO i am waiting for next week..for us normal citizen.
Didn't feel good at all...

could not settle with one...

It has been 3 months I work at this hospital..where i did my pre-grad training. I was very lucky to land a job right after my training. I remembered the HR personnel who interviewed me one day b4 my license exam.. she asked me why I picked this day, why didn't i re-scheduled another day. I told her I don't believe in cramping..i did my studying and I am prepared..furthermore..day before..i just wanna relax..phewwwwwwwwww..when i think back..relax what? hahahah..was so stressful for me.
Anyhoo, I was so confident during the interview... and i told them..if u hired me..i gave you 200 percent of performance..i love my job..i love my patient...

And guess..after i got the job..i hate it! what a liar huh..hmmm actually..If they offer me a full time line in Behavioural..YESSS i gave them 200%..maybe more than that..that's my passion.. working with behavioural ppl.. but they gave me a relief position..going everywhere in the hospital.
See, i am not the "nursy" type of nurse..like i want to try everything..get every skills in the world that i can..NO..i am not like that..I just wanna concentrate on what I like and what i do best..which is psychiatry.
So, for the past months..i am crying inside... whenever they send me to palliative, or complex or rehab..I just could not see myself doing it. However, i still try my very best to deliver my care for my patients..
Not that i am boasting, all my patients loves me.. every time they rang the call bell..they wish it was me to answer their call for help..they even said it themselves!
That's something nice i got back from doing the work for my patients..a sense of appreciation.
Ever since i started the hospital job as a relief nurse..not a single day go by that i did not look for a job... i browse the net daily looking for a better position.
My back hurts every time i came back from work...i didn't get to spend time with my family during weekends....so i told myself..as much as i love this nursing job..it has to be something..
I pray night and day..for God's mercy and blessing...waiting for my breakthrough...waiting for His PERFECT plan for me... No fail i pray and search for job..applied tons of jobs for the last 3 months.

On the 16th of October..I got an offer from a biggest cancer centre in ontario, a position of RPN, doing an office job, no weekends, no shifts jobs, 9 to 5 hours, and doing what i used to love to do..which is administrative, management plus nursing knowledge. I was awe by GOD's love for me and my family!!
HE is so merciful and loving! I cried that day...coz i could feel the pouring love from HIM!!!
I was so blessed!! In Nursing, u can only imagine for that kind of job...but it really happened for me for real!
Praise Lord for his miraculous job..nothing is impossible for HIM! He is always there for His children..
I am starting a new job this Nov 2nd ..as a RPN referring new patient who just got diagnosed with cancer to the right cancer specialist.
unbelievable awesome job that i could ask for!
THANK You LORD!!

getting too much rest

It has been only 2 weeks after my exam..and i already getting bored of staying home doing nothing.
No doubt i enjoyed the first week of doing nothing..mainly just watch tv ..cooking, and mending the house chores..but i am getting restless here.
So not used to it.
I miss my books... and i did visit my school library and borrowed some nursing books to refresh my skills..kekeke

At first the librarian..won't let me borrow it coz i am done school..and i don't have my alumni sticker on my id card..but i knew the librarian very well... she kinda teasing me..what u need those books for..
i told her..that i need to kill time while waiting for the job orientation and results. Furthermore i am worried that my skills got rusty...and soon got to start working..better sharpen my skills and get myself ready :)
Well, long story short.. i am just plain OCD obsessive compulsive disoder..hehehe

Practical Nurse

Yup..finished the long and brutal 2 years of Practical Nursing course.. Wrote the license examm last wednesday ..waiting to be registered!
Got a job interview last week too (a day b4 the exam) ..got a call from them on Tuesday..I got offered a job in the hospital. This hospital is located within 5 mins drive from house..how convenient is that.
Is an 8 hours shift hospital..as compared to other hospital..which all nurses have to work 12 hours shift.
I am blessed with that good news.. rite now I am praying that I pass that exam and get my license.

Lotsa effort and hardwork for the past 2 years..and not to mention lotsa sacrifices i made to provide my family a better environment.
I am very blessed with all my family supports while i was doing this course.

Praise Him for the love, strength and blessings..AMEN!

surgical floor again

I am back to surgical floor again for my final semester 4 rotation. Yup..the floor where i had the patient fractured her arm while i was giving her sponge bath.
I survived the first 2 days so far.. It went awesome..better that i expected.. THANK GOD! HE blessed me with a good nurse and good patients. I had one with post op day 1 he was walking around already.. he had total right knee replacement. He didn't even use the PCA pump for the morphine at all..what tough guy here..and today it was post op day 2 for him..and he already got discharged!!!
Awesome. I did his dressings and he is pretty much independent! so..pretty nice for me..coz i dun have to do the personal care.

Left 6 more days for my clinincal...then.. i will be doing my Pre-grad rotation at St. Peter... I got what i wanted..doing Psychiatry plus medicine! DOUBLE BONUS.
I am a happy camper here... no complains..GOD is GREAT!
Counting my days.. :)

5 years old

Ryan is turning 5 years old this coming 25th January! BOy, time really flies... i cannot believe it. I remember i was holding him in my arms in the hospital the day he came to this world.
Now he can reason with me..and do listen to me..He is a very good boy overall. At times, being a boy..he do have some cheeky and naughty behaviour..but..he is a fine boy. I am very lucky and Blessed!

Everyone been asking me..when i am going to have second one...well, here is my answer..NO.
I know i cannot afford another one..and at the same time..i don't know how to raise 2 children..and i don't think i can pour out as much love to my second child like i did to Ryan.
Can i? Furthermore, financially..we couldn't afford it. I am half way through my studies..and starting my career soon..can i stop and do everything again?
I know i am selfish..once my friend said..money is not the problem..but to me it is..
i don't want my child suffer because of his or her parents cannot provide a better, and comfortable environment to live in.

And by the time i have money...my biological clock already passed the healthy level to have children..
so how ?
Is hard to answer the question of me having the second one..i truly dunno how to answer that question.

what's new

Nothing is new... i am here still awake at 11.10 pm..while waiting for my hair to get dry and trying to settle down from almost 12 hours of studying.

I have test tomorrow...and i am still not yet ready...my brain is not functioning today.
I miss spending time with Ryan.. i miss reading with him...trying to write with him..i miss those time a lot.
But i have no choice... Kit is there to help me to do that..but still is different..
I personally want to spend time with Ryan.

Ryan is doing alright in school...love it very much! We got him a new hobby lately...which is swimming..SIL is taking Ryan to swim during the weekends...and they are going again this coming weekend.
I wish i can join..but ai yo..me overloaded with my school work..
plus exam exam..almost everyday and everyweek.
I am swammped!
Counting my days till first week of December..then i will be done with semester 3!
Looking forward!
Next april..i will be done! wohoooooooooooo!

Back to school

Tomorrow will be officially first day of class for me and it starts at wee 8 in the morning. This means i have to get up at 5.45 am in order to get ready for everything and avoiding fighting washroom with Kit.

I am so lazy to study....hopefully my lazy worms will start to die off by the end of this week.

Ryan will be off till the 15th..so i am a little "peaceful" here..hehehe MIL is taking off days this week to watch Ryan for me.
Lucky me!

Anyhow, class will finish at 3 pm tomorrow..but i planned to stay at the library to study for my test and prepare for my up coming classes.

Yea...back to my "second home" routine..hehehe...i cannot study at home due to noises and distractions from tv and ryan playing.

over excited..

I got over excited yesterday about going back to school today plus Ryan's first day of full day at school. I did not sleep for the whole night yesterday. This morning i have to get up at 6 am...boy it was dreadful.
My eyes were hardly open...

I don't know why i am over excited...maybe because i was worried about Ryan's first day at school.
I need to pack 2 snacks and one lunch for him...and have to make sure he can differentiate between the snacks and lunch. Smart thing to do is..(being told by the teacher)..to pack snacks in the paper bag and lunch in the lunch box.

I gave Ryan some baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, and goldfish crackers for his snacks..and peanut butter sandwhich for his lunch...as well as 2 boxes of juices..for his twice snack times.

He made it! He survived the first day..and he made a lot of friends. He ate his snacks and lunch :)
I am a happy camper here :)
Praise the Lord!

As for me...boy i am very overwhelm with my studies stuff.. So stressful as in I have so much to prepare for next week's classes. I need to get all my homework done by sunday. I will be having a math test this wednesday...man i hate new semester..coz they make us review back our medication's dosage calculations..

I hate math!

I will be busy till beginning of December.
It will be an interesting semester this time..due to we get to do Phsychiatric Nursing...which everyone refer it to the darkness of Nursing program.

Shall find out the truth!

the Day has come

Yup the big day has come for my little one... is time for him to go for full day school. Yup he is starting tomorrow ...same day as i have to go for my orientation day.
Ryan and myself visited the school and the class room teacher yesterday. Mrs. F seems very nice and soft spoken type of teacher.
Ryan got excited when he sees the classroom filled with small chairs, tables, computers, kitchen look alike set in the midldle, board filled with alphabets...snack area...and computers.
I was very glad that Ryan is comfortable with his friends and teacher. I am no surprised that Ryan is the tallest among all the kids in his group..coz he is one year late to enroll in Junior Kindy due to he is January baby.

Thank God that he used to the environment due to he was there for the day care. The reason I enrolled him in Catholic school..is because the day care is in the school building. School time will be 9 am till 3.30 pm...but due to we have to go to work and school...we are sending him to before and after day care program.
Kit will be sending Ryan to day care at 7 am..and i will do my best to pick him up at 4 pm.
Poor Ryan has to get up early...it will be tough for everyone at start..but i pray that everyone can get through it easy and everything will go smoothly.

As for me...i am not ready to go back...i don't think my brain is as "sharp" as before...i need to refresh back my nursing skills...jeeze..the injections hahaha..hate that..
i will have to do one special injection called Z track injection... that injection is specially for mental health patients.
Boy..i just have to whoop my but real hard again this time.... back to slaving days again....1 more year to go..man..can't wait till next year...man ..i will be done!

Low Iron

My doctor has been telling me that my Iron level is low since April 2008. I tried taking Iron pill but didn't help me much due to it constipate me.
I tried nuts and spinach..but not enough..due to every month when my "aunty" come... i sure loose a lot!

Nowadays..i get tired easily..and at times..i felt like i wanna faint..So, today i started to continue my iron pills..and decided to take every other day to avoid constipation. Hope that helps..

Really... big size like me..still have low iron level..i am surprised here..

Mild depression

Hey all... yuppers..it's been awhile i updated my blog. I was not busy with work or family or school...but mild depression.

Yea..long story short:-

I quited my job right after 2 weeks i have started. I don't know what i got myself into, depression i guess.
What I was depressed about? Boy, I am still looking for the right answer.

Long story become long story:-

Right before my break starts, I was so eager to look for summer job to help out the family a bit. I even got greedier, I signed up myself summer course at the same time.
Well, got this job with this company A, working as personal support worker, interview was held during May...then got the offer sometime in Victoria day. Did the orientation June 12th.
Started training on June 20th i believed..can't remember..anyway, the company was very unorganized company. I was not given anything ..like employee number( need that to get paid), user name and password to log in to check my client schedules..nothing.
They keep calling me saying that i miss my client ...which I was not aware that I have clients that day (can't check without password and username).
I was so stressed up!
It was my first, and it didn't go well. I was promised with clients living around my neighbourhood or within bus routes.
But they gave me somewhere without bus routes and some i have to transfer 3 busses.
I just can't work like this. I need to know my schedule ahead and plan my day. I have Ryan to take care in the morning..then send him to day care in the afternoon..then go to work..
But it didn't work well.

I was upset because this company wasted my time, i could have look for other jobs. Right now i can't because Summer is almost over.
Instead of earning extra income ...we ended up spending more..coz I have to keep Ryan's day care spot for September.
Right now, mon-fri we send Ryan to day care for $19 bucks/day.

I felt such a loser... and on top of everything..I failed my high-way test...meaning more money to spend.

Sigh, this year is not my year. I was so sad .upset...that i didn't even feel good to do anything.
I was home all day for the past month.

But the only good thing is Ryan is healthy and happy :)
I have re-booked my driving test...Aug 14th...really hope i pass this time.
Too much in my head...i cannot focus rite now..

My weakness, i want everything perfect...if i stumble some mistake...i got weak and lost.
boy..this is bad...when can i accept that nothing is perfect..

Guess what..I just turn 30...heheheh... no more twenties zone...
Yup! getting old...
I felt like i have not accomplish anything in my life yet...other than having myself a family.

Lost touch....

I have not been cooking since last September coz MIL took over the cooking...and now I have to do the cooking again, I am totally LOST!
Everyday, i have headache thinking what to cook for lunch and dinner. Boy, is not easy for mothers or fathers..to cook daily.

Crack my head daily..i have to plan my menu for days ahead.. I think it will get worst when i start working..coz i have to cook lunch and dinner at the same time.

Today, I made ribs with bean sauce and ginger, vegetable soup, fried tofu and prawns.
Tomorrow, I am going to bake the whole chicken with BBq sauce, and some vege..will plan tomorrow..

U see, my family they bring home food for lunch.. so i have to cook lunch for Ryan be4 he goes to day care, then bigger portion of dinner for 4 1/2 people and 3 person's lunch tomorrow.
So, u see why i got headache everyday.
Mind you, my MIL is picky too... if u don't cook right, she will be very sarcastic towards the food..say too oily, too salty...too much gravy.

not only i got rusty with the cooking...i got rusty handling the knives ...i have been cutting my fingers lately...u should see i had plaster all my fingers.
i am clumsy...i must say!

still waiting...

I am still waiting to start my job. I went for my paid Orientation last Thursday... and got everything settled. They told me that they will call me today and give me the schedule..and i can start...but ...still no news.

I am nervous here..coz firs time working in community. I told them i can only work from 2 pm onwards tues-fri and weekends all day.
End of June is approaching...and i left about 2 more months to go. I have to go back to school in Sept.
I need to make more money. If school starts, I can only work weekends..maybe only Saturday...coz i know my school work load is crazy.
Rite now my body and brain really getting used to be lazy..hahhaa..getting up at 8.30 am everyday..man..this is luxury eh.
I used to get up at 6 am mon-wed..and 4am thu-fri..... geeze..i am really spoiled here.

Eager to work and at the same time...nervous. Once i am nervous..i feel like wanna go to washroom often...and really often! esp the number 2!
Don't know why..i had this when i was young....

I hope everything goes well... :)

I got the job!

Whooohooooooo! I got the job! Praise the Lord! They are hiring me... Actually i got this good news on Victoria day! Yup, i was too sick to blog about it.
Well, that lady was kind to call me and let me know ...i appreciate that she call me from her home coz it was a holiday on Monday.

She told me everything went well, i have good references and they are interested to hire me. They will schedule an orientation next week and will let me know when i can start working.
Ya!
But i have to get well very soon! With my condition like this...i don't think my clients will be happy to see me coughing ..hehehehe
Thank you all who pray for me!
Praise the Lord! AMEN!

I am down with a bad cold

As i have mentioned earlier that I was sick since 3 weeks ago..yea..down with a bad cold. Coughing non-stop with greenish phlegm and sore throat. This virus is bad and strong. I am fighting it with only cough drops and lots of fluids. No anti-biotic for me as is viral infection.

Sigh, I am tired and i sounded like a broken record. Went to a walk-in clinic yesterday because I felt terrible yesterday.
Waited about 1/2 hour then came this young doctor, who didn't even spend 5 minutes checking on me.
What's the matter with today's health care system?
That doctor has bad communication skills with her clients. She treated me as if i am a thing not a person.
U need time to diagnosed the patient...how can u tell what's wrong with your patient if u didn't check them properly?

In Canada, if u want to see your family doctor, u have to like book an appointment. Yup, like me coughing till almost dying, still have to wait for weeks to see my doctor.
Therefor u left with no choice, to go to walk in clinics where u can get those any TOM and Harry kinda of doctor who just got out from practice..didn't know what they are doing.

Unlike in Malaysia, if u r sick, u just go to the 24 hours clinic and get fixed!
U dun have to wait or make appointment.
Sigh... how do we improve our health care system here?

Ontario are suggesting tele-health? using computerized diagnosed system? U think this will work?
Hmmm...will see how...
Nurses and doctors are encouraged to go through computer training courses for future health care system.

what to do?

I feel so lost...don't know what to do here. Remember the interview I had 2 weeks ago? Well, last Tuesday, the lady called me telling me everything seems going great..except they need another reference from somebody else and not my classmate. So i gave Lilian's phone number (my ex-boss where I volunteer b4). Before she hang up, she said..she will call me after that.

I was so happy ...she sounded so positive that i will get the job. So i waited and waited, no call from her till today. I called Lilian and Lilian told me that lady sounded very eager to hire me.

But she didn't call me back! I am left hanging here eh. I gave her a call today to follow-up..and she was not there. I left a message and and she didn't return my call either. Is already 5 pm and this monday is long weekend holiday. :(

I am so frustrated here. I felt like so lousy i cannot get a job...i just dunno what to do at home nowadays. So lazy! My brain is not working.
I miss the library at school! I miss studying. I miss doing homework!

Is hard to get satisfy...clock is ticking... so many things i need to finish. I still have to finish my high school diploma, one more book to do and an exam to write.
I have to get my G2 license before July if not my license will expire :(
With me listing it down..it gives me the shivers eh..
Sigh...
I still need to go to school to practice my skills... mannn... how u people do it?

Past 2 weeks, I have been sick and lost my voice. It sounded like a broken record. I couldn't sleep at nite...been coughing like crazy!
My garden is like a dump! The weeds are growing like crazy.
Instead of getting the things done, I am here to complain..hahahaah..
HUMAN!

4 months break

I have 4 months break b4 i start my crazy schedule again. I am looking for a job now...just to pass time and earn some money and experience.

Just had an interview last Wednesday...for a personal support worker position. I think the interview went okay..no comment..they said they will call me end of next week. Hopefully i will get the job!

We are sending Ryan to day care now..coz MIL are working... Day care has no more full time spaces for Ryan..so only go for 1-3.30 pm mon-friday..but is free..coz of Universal program.
If i get a job..i will extend the hours to 6 pm..and i have to pay 12 bucks/day. I think i can afford that..

Hopefully the job pays good..maybe 13bucks/hr..i dunno..heard abt it..but not sure..coz i am student only..i dun have personal support worker certificate..but i do have the experience..as i have finished 1 year of nursing course.

anyway...HE WILL PROVIDE.. :) i just have to look and seek for opportunity :)

Doomed!

That's the word to describe me now as i am so tired from the school work. Yea.. yea yea.. i am complaining now..hehehe...but hey.. i do deserve one!

I am so sick of this subject Health and Healing..is driving me nuts as we have exam every weeks. It is so annoying!
Exam plus assignments every week! They really thought that we students are robot.

Isn't it weird that we are learning on how to take good care of people by affecting our health in terms of ..no sleep, no rest, no proper meals and time.
It sucks!

I have 2 exams this week..tomorrow and wednesday..and i am not prepared for it!
I am so immuned with it already..coz i am just sick of it! u know the feeling of nauseated from something?

Where is the light? I need to see the light now..